THE CHALLENGE OF PROUD MMA FIGHTERS TO A BLIND MOUNTAIN CHIROPRACTIC TECHNIQUE, BUT WHEN THEY ATE THEM WITH A SEED, THEY BECAME VICTIMS OF “ANCIENT CHIROPRACTIC TECHNIQUES”

It was three in the afternoon in a remote part of Mt. Banahaw. In the middle of the forest, there was a small hut made of nipa and bamboo. The surroundings smelled of Efficascent Oil, Ginger, and dried guava leaves. This is where Grandpa Tasyo lived.

Grandpa Tasyo was eighty years old, white-haired, hunchbacked, and blind. He wore his faded chino shirt and black glasses. He was known in the village as the best chiropractor. “One squeeze, your wife’s pain and headache are gone,” the neighbors said.

Outside the hut, his dog, “Bantay,” a scoundrel who also had a limp in one leg, was sleeping peacefully.

Suddenly, a noisy 4×4 Pick-up Truck arrived. It was full of mud and had a sticker that read “TITAN MMA GYM: PAIN IS WEAKNESS.”

Five huge men got out. They were wearing sweatpants, ripped muscles, and smelled of protein shakes mixed with arrogance. Their leader was “Spine Breaker” Kiko, the Undefeated Heavyweight Champion in Underground Fighting.

“Hey Tanda!” Kiko shouted as he entered the yard. “Where’s your Magic Oil?! They said you’re good! Heal my shoulder, quick!”

Grandpa Tasyo didn’t look back. He just continued grinding ginger in the mortar. Knock-knock-knock.

“Son,” Tasyo said softly. “We’re closed. Come back tomorrow.”

“Closed?! Don’t you know me?!” Kiko came over angrily. “I’m the king of the Octagon! I can break you in two!”

In frustration, Kiko kicked Bantay who was sleeping at the foot of the stairs. BLAG!

“Aw! Aw! Aw!” The dog yelled as he ran away, ika-ika.

Tasyo’s grinding stopped. The air around the hut suddenly became heavy. The birds in the tree fell silent.

“You hit the wrong pressure point, son,” Tasyo whispered. “My dog… he has arthritis. Like me.”

“What are you going to do, blind?!” Kiko’s companions laughed. One was about to rush to push the old man.

Grandpa Tasyo slowly stood up. He picked up the bottle of Coconut Oil mixed with chili.

“Massage Therapy… let’s start.”

The first MMA fighter rushed in. He was about to punch Tasyo in the face.

Tasyo didn’t move from his spot. He just turned his head an inch. WHOOSH! The punch grazed!

With lightning speed, Tasyo grabbed the man’s wrist. His fingers were like iron clamps.

“Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.”

CRACK! Tasyo snapped the man’s wrist back and forth!

“ARAAAAAY!” the fighter shouted.

Before he could let go, Tasyo grabbed the man’s elbow.

“Tennis Elbow.”

POP! The elbow was out of place! The man fell, crying and holding his hand like a noodle.

“Slap it!” Kiko shouted. “This old man is crazy!”

The three others rushed in. At the same time.

Tasyo took oil and rubbed it on his palms.

Page: SAY – Story Around You | Original story

When a fighter kicked (Roundhouse Kick), Tasyo bent down. He grabbed the kicker’s Ankle. Because his hand was slippery in the oil, he quickly twisted the man’s leg.

“Dislocated Patella.”

SNAP! He twisted the man’s knee towards his back! He fell!

The other tried to grapple or hug him from behind.

“Ah, Bear Hug,” Tasyo smiled. “Wrong move.”

Tasyo sighed and let out the air in his stomach, then quickly pulled back (backward thrust) his back hit his opponent’s chest. BOOGSH! The fighter lost his breath!

Tasyo grabbed the neck of the one hugging him.

“Stiff Neck.”

KLICK-KLACK! A quick chiropractic adjustment. The man’s neck was stiff at a 45-degree angle. He couldn’t turn his head straight!

Kiko, the Champion, was left behind. Pale. He saw his four men—lame, with a broken arm, and a twisted neck.

“W-Who are you?!” Kiko shouted, his voice shaking. He pulled out Brass Knuckles.

Tasyo approached. His gait was slow, slow, but scary.

“Me?” Tasyo said. “I am Master Sergeant Anastacio ‘The Anatomist’ Batungbakal. Former Head Instructor of the Military Interrogation and Skeletal Manipulation Unit. I taught the spies how to remove an enemy’s shoulder without breaking a sweat. I retired because my back was hurting from carrying corpses.”

Kiko’s eyes widened. “The Anatomist?!”

“Yes,” Tasyo replied. “And I heard from your heartbeat that you were scared. And from the sound of your knees… you lacked calcium.”

Kiko rushed in with the brass knuckles.

Tasyo caught the punch with his palm. THUD! Tasyo didn’t even flinch. He grabbed Kiko’s fist.

“Now, let’s fix your attitude problem.”

Tasyo grabbed Kiko’s shoulder.

“Rotator Cuff Tear… with a twist.”

RIIIIIP! CRACK! In a circular motion, Tasyo removed Kiko’s shoulder from the socket, twisted it, and put it back in the wrong place!

“WAAAAAAHHH! MAMA!!!” the Champion cried. He fell to his knees in pain.

Within five minutes, the “Titan MMA Gym” had become an “Orthopedic Ward.” They were all lying down, crying, and apologizing.

The Barangay Captain and a Sports Doctor who happened to be hiking arrived.

The Sports Doctor saw what Tasyo had done. He was amazed.

“Amazing…” the Doctor whispered. “That dislocation technique… It’s physically impossible unless you know the exact geometry of the human skeleton! Master Tasyo! Can I study with you?!”

Grandpa Tasyo returned to his almires. He took a banana leaf and rubbed it on the faces of those lying down.

“Doc,” Tasyo said while petting his dog Bantay who had returned. “Tell these kids, I charge P5,000 per bone adjustment. Cash only. In addition to my maintenance for arthritis.”

“Yes Master!” the Doctor replied.

The hot MMA fighters? They paid dearly. And after that, they became Grandpa Tasyo’s customers. Not to cause trouble, but to check up. Whenever they pass by Mt. Banahaw, they bring Dog Food for Bantay and Salonpas for Lolo.

Because they have proven that in the world of the crazy, no weight class can handle a grandpa who knows every screw in your body—and can take you apart like Lego if you anger his dog.